Ohio Turnpike taking lead on local entrepreneur's invention - RFP for LMAV Lanes [April 1 spoof]

Ohio Turnpike Commission is taking the lead in exploiting the famous Newark OH motorized bar stool in the news recently. Turnpike CEO George Distel told us this morning the Commission will soon issue an RFP for Lawn Mower Adapted Vehicle lanes (LMAV pronounced 'el-mav' or in common parlance 'stool lanes.')

"We're taking a lead here," said Distel. "The motor-stool is obviously the wave of the future. It is transportation for ordinary Americans in these difficult times when an automobile is beyond the financial reach of so many. The Governor Ted Strickland sees a whole new industry being grown out of this invention and we are honored at the Turnpike in being asked to pioneer dedicated right of way for stools."

Strickland's initiative follows negative publicity for the entrepreneur Kile Wygle, 28 of Newark Ohio who was charged with driving while intoxicated on his LMAV, or motorized bar stool as local media crudely term it. LMAVs are known to have been constructed out of ride-on lawn mowers with a chrome legged, vinyl seat bar stool welded in pride of place atop the old mower.

Constructors are advised to remove the mowing blades.

Wygle is accused of stealing the barstool from a local dive while his girlfriend distracted the bartender with a display of cleavage. But Wygle chose matching chrome tube to fabricate an elegant steering column for his LMAV.

He admits to having had a few drinks - well, about 15 he says - around the time of his unfortunate recent accident. But contrary to the police report he says he had those drinks after he crashed his LMAV, not before.

Police in Newark responded to a report of a crash and found what they described as "a wrecked bar stool powered by a deconstructed lawn mower." Wygle was treated at a local hospital suffering minor injuries.

Dedicated lanes needed

Governor Strickland says his advisers believe LMAVs need separate lanes for safety.

"Ohio was not among the leaders as it should have been in implementing electronic tolling - due to decisions made by shortsighted leadership in the past - but on my watch, this state is going to take the lead in innovative transportation."

According to LMAV inventor Wygle his prototype stool has a maximum speed of 38mph (61km). So at least on expressway standard roads LMAVs will not  be mixed in regular traffic in general purpose lanes.

Separate LMAV lanes are likely to be only 4 to 5 feet (1.2m to 1.5m) wide and can be located on the righthand shoulder, allowing convenient access/egress to service areas.

Distel said he hopes stool drivers will get to ride right up to the bar at Turnpike service plazas.

"That's the whole idea of a stool isn't it? It's right up there at the bar."

CLARIFICATION: The Turnpike Commission has asked us to make explicit that this is a totally ficticious account written for April 1. The quotes attributed to the Turnpike chief and the state Governor were completely fabricated by us. And we retract our account of how Wygle distracted the bartender to make off with that barstool. We have no idea whether he has a girfriend with cleavage. Our apologies to anyone who took the report seriously. Editor

TOLLROADSnews 2009-04-01