RECK Lanes proposed by USDOT - (SPOOF)
Posted Fri, 2008-03-14 20:29
The Onion magazine has a spoof on a "new initiative" by USDOT to build special lanes for reckless drivers - we'll call them RECK Lanes. Reports The Onion:
"These new lanes are for the millions of drivers who can't be bothered with speed limits, turn signal use, or...
oncoming traffic," US Secretary of Transportation Mary Peters said during the opening ceremony for the first reckless-driving route, a steeply banked, guardrail-lined on-ramp to I-395 outside Arlington, VA.
"Whether hell-bent on putting themselves and everyone around them in danger or just drunk off their gourds and out for a simple joyride, America's reckless will no longer be forced to putter along with careful, conscientious, considerate citizens."
Peters then cut the ribbon on the inaugural lane by speeding through it in a rusted-out 1984 Chevy Cavalier, steering with her knees as her left hand held a cup of hot coffee aloft and her right hand slapped her 4-year-old daughter sitting in the back seat.
"We wanted to make these reckless-driving lanes as convenient as possible," said Harold Bovy, chief engineer on the project.
"So we made sure that once reckless drivers are in these lanes, they can only leave them by designated funnel-shaped ramps or in the full- service hearses that will be stationed 24 hours a day at any number of convenient rest areas."
Amid mounting pressure from drivers, the DOT decided to start planning for the new lanes last fall. The department sought out input and suggestions from motorists who... "really know how to drive" or simply believed traffic laws to be for "suckers."
Signs will be posted in RECK Lanes to warn regular drivers that they must drive either under 30 mph or over 90 mph, and that their auto insurance is void in the special lanes.
The RECK Lanes will feature the icon of a swerving 1988 Mercury Grand Marquis with subwoofer lines emanating from the body and a mattress tied to the top with a single length of twine.
Praise for the new lane from drivers has been widespread and immediate.
"This is something real drivers have wanted for years,"said Kevin Louden, who has received 17 moving violations in his nine years of driving. "Now I can haul ass the way God
intended without worrying..."
For the full article see
http://www.theonion.com/content/news/dot_creates_new_lane_for_reckless
TOLLROADSnews 2008-03-14
"These new lanes are for the millions of drivers who can't be bothered with speed limits, turn signal use, or...
oncoming traffic," US Secretary of Transportation Mary Peters said during the opening ceremony for the first reckless-driving route, a steeply banked, guardrail-lined on-ramp to I-395 outside Arlington, VA."Whether hell-bent on putting themselves and everyone around them in danger or just drunk off their gourds and out for a simple joyride, America's reckless will no longer be forced to putter along with careful, conscientious, considerate citizens."
Peters then cut the ribbon on the inaugural lane by speeding through it in a rusted-out 1984 Chevy Cavalier, steering with her knees as her left hand held a cup of hot coffee aloft and her right hand slapped her 4-year-old daughter sitting in the back seat.
"We wanted to make these reckless-driving lanes as convenient as possible," said Harold Bovy, chief engineer on the project.
"So we made sure that once reckless drivers are in these lanes, they can only leave them by designated funnel-shaped ramps or in the full- service hearses that will be stationed 24 hours a day at any number of convenient rest areas."
Amid mounting pressure from drivers, the DOT decided to start planning for the new lanes last fall. The department sought out input and suggestions from motorists who... "really know how to drive" or simply believed traffic laws to be for "suckers."
Signs will be posted in RECK Lanes to warn regular drivers that they must drive either under 30 mph or over 90 mph, and that their auto insurance is void in the special lanes.
The RECK Lanes will feature the icon of a swerving 1988 Mercury Grand Marquis with subwoofer lines emanating from the body and a mattress tied to the top with a single length of twine.
Praise for the new lane from drivers has been widespread and immediate.
"This is something real drivers have wanted for years,"said Kevin Louden, who has received 17 moving violations in his nine years of driving. "Now I can haul ass the way God
intended without worrying..."
For the full article see
http://www.theonion.com/content/news/dot_creates_new_lane_for_reckless
TOLLROADSnews 2008-03-14