Takeoff of White House voice activated call router driving a Jihadist bomber crazy (OFF-TOPIC FUN)
Posted Tue, 2008-03-11 22:09
Animated cartoons are a new medium. Walt Handelsman at Newsday in New York does them brilliantly. Here's a
nice take-off of Hillary Clinton's 3am phone call featuring a voice activated call routing system installed at the White House to handle terrorist threats.
Our suicide bomber is all wired up but he gets the usual run-around while calling on his mobile phone trying to threaten to blow up a gopher in Uzbekistan.
"Hello, you've reached the White House. For a domestic threat press one. For an international threat press two."
He presses two.
"If you are a suicide bomber press one, if this is a cyber threat press two. If this is a chemical or biological threat press three.
"If you are planning a upcoming attack but haven't yet worked out how you are going to carry it out press four. For all other threats press five."
"Please hold," and he gets the canned music again.
Then: "OK let's get started. Please type in the name of your target using the keypad on your phone."
Tones.
"You are an international terrorist threatening to blow up a gopher in Uzbekistan. Please hold."
Canned music again.
Patient Jihadist nods his head back and forth to the music.
Recording interrupts him with an upbeat: "Did you know most threats can be entered online at http://www.diewithabomb.gov?"
"Sign in with your threat now."
More canned music, broken by:
"Your Jihad is very important to us. Please remain on the line and your threat will be answered in the order in which it is received."
Frustrated Jihadist hits zero repeatedly.
"Please have your false identity papers ready."
Music.
"Your current wait time is (pause) fifty minutes."
Jihadist grimmaces.
He gets screwed up trying to go back...
"I'm sorry you have pressed an incorrect key."
"I'm sorry you have pressed an incorrect key."
"I'm sorry you have pressed an incorrect key."
He gives up cursing angrily at the voice activated call router.
Voice-over quietly: "Frustrating fanatics into submission one call at a time..."
http://weblogs.newsday.com/news/opinion/walthandelsman/blog/2008/03/animation_its_3_am.html
TOLLROADSnews 2008-03-11
nice take-off of Hillary Clinton's 3am phone call featuring a voice activated call routing system installed at the White House to handle terrorist threats.Our suicide bomber is all wired up but he gets the usual run-around while calling on his mobile phone trying to threaten to blow up a gopher in Uzbekistan.
"Hello, you've reached the White House. For a domestic threat press one. For an international threat press two."
He presses two.
"If you are a suicide bomber press one, if this is a cyber threat press two. If this is a chemical or biological threat press three. "If you are planning a upcoming attack but haven't yet worked out how you are going to carry it out press four. For all other threats press five."
"Please hold," and he gets the canned music again.
Then: "OK let's get started. Please type in the name of your target using the keypad on your phone."
Tones.
"You are an international terrorist threatening to blow up a gopher in Uzbekistan. Please hold."
Canned music again.
Patient Jihadist nods his head back and forth to the music.
Recording interrupts him with an upbeat: "Did you know most threats can be entered online at http://www.diewithabomb.gov?"
"Sign in with your threat now."
More canned music, broken by:
"Your Jihad is very important to us. Please remain on the line and your threat will be answered in the order in which it is received."
Frustrated Jihadist hits zero repeatedly.
"Please have your false identity papers ready."
Music.
"Your current wait time is (pause) fifty minutes."
Jihadist grimmaces.
He gets screwed up trying to go back...
"I'm sorry you have pressed an incorrect key."
"I'm sorry you have pressed an incorrect key."
"I'm sorry you have pressed an incorrect key."
He gives up cursing angrily at the voice activated call router.
Voice-over quietly: "Frustrating fanatics into submission one call at a time..."
http://weblogs.newsday.com/news/opinion/walthandelsman/blog/2008/03/animation_its_3_am.html
TOLLROADSnews 2008-03-11